A Mother’s Transition Challenge
A conversation occurred recently between me and my higher mind and it went something like this: You knew always that you wanted to be a mother? Yes.
You knew that that was a necessary part of your life – in fact, something you wouldn’t tolerate living without? Yes. Their growing up was also a known fact? Yes. It’s just that we are lost when it actually happens! We are Mothers, not machines. We are care-givers; we are lovers of an ever changing routine. We are ‘Home Makers;’ a title I have always hated and yet it is only now taking on new meaning.
What are we supposed to do next? When the ‘Home-Makers’ have no one home, what’s the use of having all that space? When ‘Home-Makers’ are not caring for someone they now become housecleaners, cooks, gardeners and managers of the estate. All tasks they did before only without someone needing their attention; someone in their arms, on their laps, hanging on their apron strings, or tagging after them. Home-Makers/caregivers are the onsite medical team, the first responders, the psychotherapists working with clients in different stages and varying degrees of craziness as they embrace steep learning curves. They work 24/7. What other profession is so demanding, asking for such a wide range of know-how and yet has no training other than on-site? I realize I may have been in the elite group due to only needing to work ‘part-time outside the home.’ However, in many countries women’s work ‘outside the home’ means we walk 5-10 miles each day to get the water or food for the family.
Why not be excited to have an opportunity to fulfill some of your other dreams now that you won’t have the interruption of a child at home? Because, I’m not ready! I mean I have projects lined up and waiting and yet I can’t get beyond missing their companionship. It feels like an overwhelming loss. My heart aches for the few minutes of truly relating we would have each day; the humorous way they appeared each morning, always ready to teach me a new way to view the world. Even our challenging conversations are missed.
There are plenty of books written about raising children and what we might call the technical difficulties but each step of the way was still a surprise challenge – at least for the first child arriving at the gate. After that one might think we know something about childrearing but the truth is each child experiences life a little differently. Each child demonstrates that experience in their own unique way. But do the manual writers on childrearing identify what changes will occur in the parents? NO!
How does one reconcile with this new stage of childless Motherhood? As I walk down the street and see Mothers with baby carriages I want to stop them and say – “I once did that. In fact 3 times over! And I’m here to tell you that these beautiful little beings will one day grow up and leave you. So hold on to your hearts!”