Kathryn Lafond

Diet Journal 1-18-09

When a natural disaster hits such as the earthquake in Haiti and we sit glued to the news of the mass loss of life as well as seeing a lack of the most basic necessities such as water and food for those who survived; it is difficult to wrap my arms around concern over a diet.  Instead I would like to offer thanks for each bite I take, each drink I have that I wish I could offer to the one who sits on the side of the street suffering from dehydration and malnutrition.  Instead I offer thanks to the gift of life and remind myself not to abuse it.  I let go of the fear that there won’t be enough; that sniggling unconscious fear that often causes us to eat ravenously.  When you stare at real life not “enough-ism” I believe our imaginary one gets the boot.

I can’t say that I’ve given much attention to my diet this past week, not only because of the earthquake news but because of going to visit my parents.  One of which has been nauseous for three months now.  Continually focused on what might sound good to her; we wonder what we could fix that would catch her attention without stimulating the gagging reflex.

What odd relationships we have around food.  One person never seems to remember to eat while another struggles to ever stop.  I have my days where healthy eating is not a chore at all.  When I can easily set limits on portion size and not feel like I am withholding the goods.  Other days you would think I am hosting a tape worm family.  Speaking of, I did give that consideration upon embarking on a diet journey.  In fact I just completed a two week parasite cleanse just in case that was aiding and abetting the waistline problem.  My chosen cleanse basically consisted of taking horrible tasting herbs morning and night. I was told to start it right before full-moon as they become more active at that time of month.  Given the number of bathroom visits it certainly seemed like I was letting go of a few extra pounds.  “Hindsight” tells me it was a worthy effort in my quest for a lighter body!

You may be wondering why I don’t just write about how I lost 5 pounds and then share the perfect diet.  Well, for one I am trying to stay away from the scale until I can imagine getting on and being thrilled!  And secondly, I don’t believe the “perfect” diet exists.  My perfect diet may not benefit anyone else.

Today I find myself visiting my ‘Doubter;’ the one who brazenly not only puts the brakes on, but derails my train of surrendering weight.  Just when I am feeling invincible about the progress I’m making she sneaks in to remind me of every mistake and miss-step I’ve ever made.  Instilling doubt around my success she turns up my cravings button and before I’m even aware of my actions I’m eating a plate of nacho’s.

Fortunately the whole week hasn’t been like that.  I’ve noticed my pants getting looser.  I’m remembering to include stretching a bit in each day’s efforts.  I’m drinking more water and ‘noticing’ what I eat.   Bringing greater consciousness to my actions has been my biggest success so far.  At least until today…

I had combined breakfast and lunch into a nice healthy brunch – scrambled eggs with a little chopped peppers, green onion, roasted garlic and bleu cheese, spelt toast with butter – but hey, it’s good organic fats!  I had consumed a whole quart of nettle, thyme and sage infusion earlier; flushing myself out.  I was on a roll.

Along about 2:30 I just needed something small to carry me through till dinner.  Doubter had started creeping in with her ‘should-of’ whine:

“Should have eaten a healthy early breakfast and light lunch – You wouldn’t be so hungry now.  You should have gotten that article written earlier.   Should be more successful if you’re so good at what you do…”

You know the voice.  I reached for the Tortilla chips.  There’s only a little in the bag;  I’ll just finish these broken ones, I thought.  I headed out of the kitchen.

But wait – they’d be so much more ‘nutritious’ with some cheese melted on ‘em – not just wasted calories.  I stepped back in, quickly grated the cheese, and slammed it into the microwave (I never use that old microwave!)

And before giving the diet plan a second thought I found myself munching down while answering emails.  Doubter reminded me of my failings about half-way through the plate.  But who’s going to stop halfway through a  ‘small’ plate of nachos?

It’s now after 3 pm on a dark winter’s day.  Night is falling fast along with the rain and I really don’t want to go out to walk.  I haven’t finished the article due today either.  I scratch the walk and go online to order that long desired yoga DVD.  It’s almost as if I’ve done the work out.

Right?!

Today I have cleaned the house in places which haven’t seen clean in a long while.  And, yet there is more to be done.  The box that sat next to the front door since Dec. 31st, 04, was challenging.  Out with the worthless and a few items saved which hadn’t belonged to me in the first place.  A CD I swore had been stolen appeared as well as supplements long past their prime.

The windowsill behind the computer was another haven for dust notes.  I could have written a whole sermon in 3D.  How can these things called homes become such trash collectors?  Normally when one thinks of Home a warm fire comes to mind or at the very least shelter from the dirtiness of the world around us.  But No – our homes are actually gathering spots for unseen mites and fleas that couldn’t possibly exist out in the cold; for magazines with news from the 1970’s and books bought but never read.  I even have a box of presents purchased yet never given… Isn’t that an odd one?  One day I shall host a party and ask only that each one that comes, take something away with them.

The whole cleaning binge started when I got on the scale this morning to find the numbers bigger than I’ve ever been.  I figured I needed a clean out and began with what’s easiest – whatever I laid my eyes on.  I’m hoping tomorrow I will have lightened my internal load.  We know there exists in the microcosm a reflection of the macrocosm and vice-versa so I decided it should work within me as well.

The good news is I lost my appetite for at least half the day.  Juicing at 10:am then a bit of cold cooked broccoli to nibble.  Next a small handful of almonds got me clear to the 2:30 hour.  It was the grocery store run that thwarted the process. My plan was to stay on liquids or fruits and vegetables all day.  But the shrimp and sole looked mighty good behind the glass and I thought possibly low-cal until I got home and began to look up recipes.  The shrimp and spinach stuffing would need something to bind it and a white sauce with wine and butter ought to help.  The avocado needed to be eaten so adding that to the salad probably placed me more toward the 1200 calorie meal category.

Right now my Xmas chocolate is calling from the desk drawer and I am hoping to get to sleep before the voices get irresistible.  My goal is to lose a few pounds before the end of January and yesterday’s homemade Mac and cheddar is still holding down space in the refrigerator.  I am finding that way more dangerous than chocolate or cheese cake.

Strangely enough I just realized that this is Monday.  Do diets that begin on Monday really work?  I’ve never known them to but maybe, due to the fact that I hadn’t thought of that earlier, I’m in luck.

PS:  Unreported foods:

2 tangerines

2 celery sticks with peanut butter

8 baby shrimp with Caesar dressing

1 glass chardonnay